Ponderables: 1,750

It always brings us back to a set of similar questions:

1. How did they manage to get to level 8x?
2. Are they trolling us?
3. Is this a seven year old?
4. Seriously?

Scenario: Regular Stonecore

I was reading up on Blood DKs yesterday and was re-intrigued by their mastery system Blood Shield and decided that this sounded more fun than the druid’s mastery and thus my DK will become my main tank henceforth. I did a series of dungeons with a guildie who decided to pick up on a resto shaman and off we went.

Dungeons at low level are easy as hell especially when you already know the fights. We employed CC judiciously ONLY during the CC-Adds in Vortex Pinnacle. But this story takes place after, in Stonecore.

Up till then we had been running with the same people, a dream group, 5-6K dps at level 83 except for this one Paladin.

1.7K dps. I’m not here to lay judgement, just lightly, but my friend who is completely new to WoW, though trained personally by me to maximize the functions of a Beast Master hunter can pull 2,000 DPS. And he’s only level 74. Shall the day ever come that I fade away into nothingness I’ll know there’s at least one more reliable hunter out there.

Here we see a relatively “Casual” player, he likes to explore, fully reads and debates quest text, but definitely pulls his weight in dungeons.

When my friend and I decided to dress up in all cloth and random weapons one lazy summer day back at level 80 and spam random buttons, we still produced a stunning 1.5K dps. Let alone a level 74 Cataclysm era hunter.

Now we ask: At level 83, shouldn’t auto-attacking and hitting at least one button, any damaging button produce at least 2K dps? It boggles my mind. Denial. They’re trolling us right?

Of course they die to the flayers flay. And immediately upon death they ask for a res. We were still in battle? Troll much? I saw that they had spirit gear on, perhaps this was a Holy paladin looking to do some damage but they have probably never healed before, else they would know that only druids (and dks later) can battle res. No the concept of battle res would be too complicated for a troll.

During slabhide, we realized that for most of the fight, if they weren’t standing in the fire pits (on purpose I tell ya!), they weren’t even FACING the boss! Mind boggling! Maybe their house caught on fire, or the soup spilt over ,or the baby pooped, or they were playing drunk or intoxicated. Maybe they were just a kid. I say this because I’ve let my eight year old cousin play a Worgen once and he didn’t know he had to walk up to the quest giver to actually be in range to accept and return quests. But he figured it out after TWO tries.

Here we are min-maxing the very last few percentages of efficiency and there somewhere in limbo we have these people! I’m deeply concerned as to what the heck are they doing?

What do they do outside of embarassing themselves in dungeons? How do they quest? I want to observe them. Do group PVE encounters just make them really nervous, so nervous that their camera misaligns? Maybe they’re trying really hard to help out, to pull their weight!

They had to have been trolling us. The spirit gear never lies!

If not, perhaps there are people out there who don’t understand tooltips, or stats. But we’ve dumbed them down SO MUCH. I think on the character panel under “Spirit” it even SAYS “Healers like this stat”.

Maybe they STILL think the “attack” button actually attacks everytime they click it. I was actually confused about this on my very first toon. But I soon realized clicking it again turned off my attacking, and it was just there for show. Really, the auto-attacking button is kinda weird. Rename it to “Initiate Attack”, then once you’re in battle it changes to “Stop Attacking”. This is a valid reason. Though by level 83 I think you’d have figured it out unless you think its more realistic to attack, stop, attack.

Could we have helped? Would it have been super passive-aggresive to suggest to them “Oh, please face what you are trying to attack next time =)”??

Truny the Boggled

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